A Little Help from Destiny Chapter 19

A Little Help from Destiny

Chapter 19 – The Slumber Party

Choosing.

I’ve never liked multiple choices in every exams I take. Para sa akin eto yung pinakamahirap na type of exam, nasabi sa akin dati ng History teacher ko na lahat ng choices ay tama kaya lang may mas tatama pa dito. You have to carefully analyze the questions then the choices, sa tingin mo lahat ito ay tama, ou tama silang lahat pero which choice is the best answer for the question? “Think carefully. It’s not really kung anong first instinct mo ayun na yung pipiliin mo, kasi minsan mali naman ang instinct mo diba? So don’t go with what your instinct wants, isipin mong mabuti kung ano bang tama. Ano bang pinakatamang sagot? Think with your mind but answer it with your heart.” I remember my History teacher told me nang nagrereklamo ako sa kanya, he was also the one who told me na para din sa kanya ay ang multiple choice ang pinakamahirap na type of exam.

Really I’ve never liked multiple choices, I find it difficult and boring, boring in a way that there’s so much choices and sometimes I hastily choose whatever, I just encircle one of the choices at ayun tapos na. Kaya minsan when our exams are all multiple choices I hated it cause ang baba ko palagi. Because I make poor choices.

As much as possible I don’t want to deal with making choices, I don’t want something like a multiple choice decide my life. I don’t want to deal reality by choosing. I hate choosing. I despised it because I know for a fact that once I’ve chose I’d regret it soon. Like I said I am not quite the chooser.

But here I am, stressed over the fact that I HAVE TO CHOOSE! It’s about time to make my decision final. I pushed the choosing away during summer, hindi ko ito inisip muna, I relaxed, nilagay ko yun sa pinakadulo ng utak ko, the place where I don’t have to think about it more often.

Pero ngayon hindi ko na ito matatakasan, I have to choose whether I like it or not. I really hate this, now I have to answer the million-dollar question.

Who will it be?

a.    Ash Torres

b.    Kevin Ian Montenegro

It’s hard. I think sa ngayon eto ang pinakamahirap na tanong na kailangan kong sagutin. At hindi ko alam kung ano bang tama. Kung sino ba talaga ang pipiliin ko. But I know deep down I still have another choice.

c.    None of the above

At alam ko na ang pagpili sa C would mean walang masasaktan, pero can I live with that? Hindi ba ako magsisisi na pinakawalan ko sila? Paano pag dumating yung araw na mas matimbang pala si ganyan? Na mali yung desisyon ko na walang piliin sa kanila?

That’s why I called for reinforcement.

I hosted a slumber party for me and my friends. Alam ko na matutulungan nila ako sa pagsagot sa million-dollar question. I invited seven of my closest friends and cousins sympre panay babae kami, tonight is about all girls walang boys na kasama. Dahil boys would somehow be a hypocrite about these things.

Anyway solo namin yung bahay sympre except sa mga maids but other than the maids and the cook eight lang kami na nasa bahay, mom is away as usual and si kuya naman ay enjoying his last days. Malapit na kasi ang pasukan nila kaya nagaaliw sila ng mga friends niya somewhere here in Luzon I think.

“Alam mo pinapahirapan mo ang sarili mo M, sino ba ang mahal mo?” asked Claire, pinapahirapan ko ba yung sarili ko talaga?

“Tama. Yung million-dollar question mo is like the 100 dollar question pa lang.” pag aagree ni Cass kay Claire.

“Yeah sino nga ba ang mahal mo Mary?” Lani asked, ganun lang ba kadali yun?

“Si Ash.” Pag sasagot ko sa kanila. Kanina pa kasi kami nagtatalo about this problem of mine, pero laging nadi-divert yung debate namin over some gossip.

“Eh ayun naman pala eh, so si Kuya Ash ang pipiliin mo.” Said Sky, all the way Sky is Team Ash sympre mas kilala niya yun kaysa kay Kim pero bakit ganun? Mahal ko si Ash pero ayaw kong saktan si Kim. Ano ba talaga? At isa pa I don't know kung anong klase pagmamahal ang meron ako for Ash.

“Porket ba mahal niya si Ash siya na agad? Paano naman si Kim mahal siya nun diba?” nagulat ako kay Pat kasi she’s like Team Kim right now. Ewan ko pero natuwa ako kasi I thought mas gugustuhin niyang piliin ko si Ash para you know mapasakanya si Kim although hindi man niya aminin I know she has a crush on him.

“Ayy alam niyo nagcoconference call kami ng mga classmate ko kagabi then may tanong na nag pop bigla.” Sabi ni Yannie, see nadi-divert lagi yung usapan sa ibang usapan and this will be a long night “Eto yung tanong… who would you rather choose, the one who you love but doesn’t love you back or the one who loves you but you don’t love?” pagsasabi niya nung question “Sino pipiliin niyo?” she finally asked.

“Love is all about taking risk kaya I’m willing to gamble my heart so I would choose the former.” Sagot ni Elle.

“Ganun din ako.” Pag sangayon ni Claire.

“Nah mas pipiliin ko yung lalaking mahal ako.” Sagot ni Pat.

Lahat sila tumingin sa akin and alam ko na hinihintay nila akong sumagot, all my years reading novels and watching movies, I would always choose the second man yung lalaking nandun sa babae nang mga oras na nasasaktan ito dahil sa bidang lalaki, mas gusto ko lagi yun.

And I guess I don’t really like taking risk, takot akong masaktan, that’s a known fact for everyone to see. That’s why I’ve been putting some facade para hindi ako masaktan, dahil as much as I want to love I don’t want to get hurt, ayokong maramdaman yung heartbreak. I’m scared of putting a bet in my heart.

“Sympre dun sa lalaking mahal ako kahit hindi ko mahal.” Sagot ko sa kanila.

“Edi ayan na yung sagot mo, kay Kim ka na.” Pat exclaimed.

“Eh mali naman eh. Mahal siya ni Kuya Ash diba so mali yung former, dahil mahal siya nung lalaking mahal niya.” Pag hindi sang ayon ni Sky.

And now we’re back with Team Ash and Team Kim. Who would it be? Pero when Pat said na I should pick Kim, it made me wonder, ou nga no, mahal ako ni Kim pero hindi ko siya mahal at if I were reading a book or watching a movie, I would definitely choose Kim but no, tama ni si Sky, mahal ako ni Ash.

“Pero sinaktan naman siya ni Ash. You weren’t there Sky nung umiyak si Mary kay Louie.” Sabi ni Lani, I remembered well, nung nasasaktan ako nung first year ako si Louie agad yung pinuntahan ko, and Lani was always there too.

“Pero he said he’s sorry right? At mahal siya ni Kuya Ash.” Sky protested.

“Sure ba tayong mahal talaga niya si Mary at for argument sake let’s say mahal nga niya si Mary more likely he’ll hurt her again.” Pagsasabat ni Yannie. Tama there’s a slight chance that he would hurt me again.

“Bakit si Kim ba hindi siya sasaktan?” asked Elle.

“That’s right. Eh aalis nga siya eh.” Sky joined Elle.

“Long distance relationship never works.” Claire agreed with both of them.

“Works for Ash too.” Sabi ni Cass “Ash is going to college too ah at kung hindi man, hindi naman sila schoolmates ni Mary kaya ldr din sila.”

“Oh see nahihirapan na din kayo.”  Sabi ko at nagtawanan lang sila, isa isa silang tumayo at nagpaalam na kukuha lang ng pagkain sa baba or mag totour sa bahay. Maghahanap daw sila ng multo.

Naiwan kami ni Lani at Pat dahil tinatamad kaming maglibot libot sa bahay. “Alam mo, mahal ka ni Kim sobra. He makes you happy. Alam kong nasasaktan ka parin sa pagkawala ni Louie but your smiles are back. Hindi na shallow yung smile mo. He makes you smile.” Sabi ni Lani, I looked at my fingers unable to look at her. Alam kong tama siya eh. Tama siya pinapasaya ako ni Kim “Alam ko naman na haggang ngayon hindi ka pa handa para buksan ulit yang puso mo. Kasi haggang ngayon dalawa lang ang nilalaman niyan. It’s either Louie goes or Ash diba yan ang nasa isip mo? At dahil ayaw mong may mawala, you pushed all your feelings away. Si Louie I know for a fact hindi siya mawawala diyan sa puso mo, so it’s left with Ash, haggang ngayon sinasabi mo na mahal mo pa siya pero is that really true? Mahal mo nga ba si Ash o dahil second love mo siya kaya sinasabi mo na mahal mo pa siya?” Lani told me, all she said was true kahit anong mangyari si Louie lang ang hindi mawawala sa puso ko, siya lang yung laging mananatili. Pero si Ash ba?

“Sinaktan ka dati ni Ash, we’ve witnessed it, tatlo kami nila Louie, binago mo yung sarili mo sa harap ng iba, Ash did help to change you for the better, kasi dati masyado kang prim and proper sa ibang tao except sa mga close sayo. Hindi ko pa man namemeet si Ash pero in all of your stories about him ganun din kay Sky, I know sasaktan ka niya ulit. Not intentionally pero ganun din sasaktan ka niya at kung dati yung pagbabago mo was for the best ngayon hindi ko alam kung ganun parin. Wala ng Louie na sasalo sayo.” Pat said. “Kim loves you. Hindi ka niya kayang saktan. Handa siyang itake down yung offer ng Brown para sayo.” I closed my eyes, ewan ko pero naiiyak ako sa sinasabi nila ni Lani. I know how serious this talk is and I can’t believe that once I doubted Pat’s friendship with me, I acted insane dahil I thought ayaw niya ako para kay Kim but hearing her saying good things about Kim.

“Ayokong saktan si Ash.” I said “Ganun din kay Kim, I care too much about him. Ayoko siyang mawala kaya nga nahihirapan ako eh. Kasi like what you said Kim is pulling me up.” I confessed to them.

“You know very well that deep down you’ve already chosen right?” said Lani. “Ayaw mo lang aminin dahil alam mong may masasaktan pero that’s the ugliness of love. One must get hurt in order for the other to be happy. Kahit anong gawin mong pagiiwas, pipili at pilli ka din at may masasaktan. It’s inevitable.”

She’s somehow right, sa huli kailangan ko parin pumili at may masasaktan kahit anong gawin ko. At maybe tama din siya na deep down may sagot na talaga ang million dollar question ko.

I smiled sa kanilang dalawa “You’re right I’ve already chose who.” And with that cue tumayo na ako to join the others sa baba to make food or to eat whatever they’re making.

Tapos na yung usapan. I’ve chose. I analyzed it already and I think this whole time my heart already chose someone. I've finally answered the million-dollar question.

And it’s only a matter of time when he’d realized he’s the one I chose.

But I didn’t know choosing him would make me regret it someday.