Today would be Kim's birthday. Kakauwi ko lang galing sa school at sa mall kasi bumili pa ako ng cake at foods na favorite ni Kim para sa birthday party niya pati na din mga party poppers. Hindi ko man kasama si Kim ngayon, gusto ko parin na bigyan siya ng isang birthday party.
Tinulungan ako ni Yaya na ayusin yung kwarto ko, habang ako naman inaayos ko yung pagco-connect ng tv at ng internet pati na din yung video camera. Maya maya darating na din si Karl at we'll celebrate Kim's birthday.
Nung maayos na yung lahat sa kwarto ko, may banner pa nga na nilagay si Yaya between ng dalawang pillars ng kwarto ko, at yung iba pang party poppers nakalapag lang like the hats. Yung mga foods nasa center table naman.
Parang hindi party ni Kim kasi pink. Sympre naman ako ang nag plan kaya pink siya.
I connected na yung video call to Kim at within a minute sinagot niya, medyo bagong gising lang siya kaya sabi niya mag-aayos lang siya.
After 10 minutes bumalik si Kim. "Mary una na ako ah." sabi ni Yaya "Happy birthday Kim." pagbati niya kay Kim.
Ngumiti naman si Kim kay Yaya "Thanks ya." he said at ayun umalis na si Yaya.
"Happy birthday. Wala pa si Karl kaya mamaya na yung pagblow ng candles ah." sabi ko sa kanya.
"Thank you." he said.
"Anong plano mo diyan ngayon?" I asked him.
"Mom asked me to go to New York for today." he answered. Nasa New York kasi yung pamilya ni Kim while nasa Rhode Island siya.
Nagusap lang muna kami habang wala pa si Karl. Pinakita ko sa kanya yung mga foods at yung cake "Oh right nakuha mo na ba yung regalo ko?" I asked him. I bought him kasi online ng isang Cartier na watch, mom's credit card of course. Nagpaalam naman ako kay mom.
He smiled tas tumayo siya at may kinuha sa drawer ng bedside table niya "Here." he smiled nung pinakita niya yung box ng Cartier. "I like the card more." he said as he wiggled out the card from his hand.
Nakasulat kasi sa card ay With love, Mary Zobel xo.
Karl came at nagusap pa sila ni Kim, nagkwento pa si Karl kay Kim ng mga chismis about high school friends nila. Parang hindi sila naguusap eh, lagi din yang dalawa nag-uusap.
Pinalo ko na si Karl para sa cake, sinindihan na niya yung candles at ngumiti naman ako kay Kim, si Kim ayun nakangiti lang din.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Ian, happy birthday to you." Karl and I sang the birthday song.
Hawak hawak ko yung cake at nilapit ko pa sa may tv "Blow na." I told him at he closed his eyes at sabay kaming nagblow. Kumain lang kami ni Karl ng carbonara at cake habang si Kim kinakain niya ay oatmeal and a dragon fruit.
We laughed and talked at the same time, it was a good day. Masaya ako kasi kahit papano napasaya ko si Kim. The idea of this kind of party came from way back, I also planned a party like this before para kay Louie. Nung birthday niya kasi nasa Singapore sila kaya kami nila Cass na naiwan ay nag-prepare ng party para sa amin at kanya.
At ayun nung naalala ko na pwede ko din gawin yun kay Kim, ginawa ko na. Kim's away at hindi naman basta basta yung lugar kung nasaan si Kim, I cannot go and throw him a party kaya through the internet nalang diba.
Karl had to go dahil may gagawin pa siya. So kami nalang ni Kim yung naiwan. I was lying on the floor while eating the remaining cake at nakaharap sa tv, kinakausap lang si Kim.
"Ou nga pala Kim nagkita na ba kayo ni Phat sa New York?" I asked him, Phat is currently in New York for her advancde subjects. Malapit na din ang pagkuha niya ng SATs kaya her parents decided na dun na siya magaral sa New York instead of being home schooled. Of course Phat is studying at a very expensive prep school in Manhattan.
"No, but I saw Claire." he said. Claire is also studying sa New York, same school as Phat daw.
"Sabi pala ni mama baka daw sa New York kami magspend ng Thanksgiving." sabi ko sa kanya, mom got invited kasi to one of her foreign friends para sa Thanksgiving, ang aga aga palang pero they invited her. Mom is still thinking about it dahil nga may pasok kami.
"Then you can join our dinner right?" he asked. And I nodded.
Napatingin ako sa portrait sa dingding, it was me and Louie, kuha yun nung birthday ko last year, ang ganda gandang tignan nung litrato kasi napakasaya ko pa nun, ang saya saya ko pa, ang saya pa namin nila Louie at lalong lalo na hindi ko pa alam na mawawala siya sa akin.
Siguro napansin ni Kim na nakatulala ako kaya tinawag na niya ako, good thing hindi nakikita ni Kim kung ano yung tinitignan ko.
"Can I ask you about him?" he asked. And for a fact I knew naintindihan niya kung bakit ako nakatulala kanina, he knew where I was looking, siguro nga kabisado na niya yung kwarto ko.
Pero dapat ba akong magkwento kay Kim? Lalo't na birthday niya pa ngayon. "It's your birthday Kim. Sure ka bang gusto mong mag-usap tayo tungkol sa kanya?" I asked.
"I am. You never talked about him." he said. Right. Kahit kailan hindi ako nagkwento tungkol kay Louie. The only thing Kim knew about Louie was that Louie is my first love and he's gone now. At siguro mga trivial things nalang. Pero kahit kailan hindi ako nagopen ng topic tungkol kay Louie.
Kasi haggang ngayon nasasaktan ako.
I sighed deeply. "Anong gusto mong malaman?" I asked, it's his birthday after all.
"Why do you love him so much?" hindi ko inaasahan yung tanong ni Kim. siguro ito ang mga tanong na kahit kailan hindi ko makakalimutan dahil kahit pagbaliktarin mo pa yung tanong na yan, iisa lang ang sagot.
Dahil siya si Louie.
Pero hindi pa naman ako ganun kasama para sabihin yung totoo kong sagot na kaya ko mahal na mahal si Louie dahil siya si Louie, simple as that no need for more explanation.
"Si Louie kasi yung unang tao kong pinagkatiwalan." I answered. Totoo naman ang sinabi ko eh, Louie was the first person I trusted. "Siya yung una kong naging kaibigan." I said. "Although mas nauna kong nakilala si Phat, si Louie ang una kong naging kaibigan. Nung bata palang kasi ako believe it or not mahiyain talaga ako...."
"I know you are." Kim said.
"So yeah hindi ako nakikipagusap kahit kanino, I remembered na gusto akong ipa-check up ni papa, kasi daw I was showing signs na isa akong introvert. I'm not an introvert by the way, pero kahit bata palang ako nahihirapan na talaga akong magtiwala." I continued with my story telling. "I was easily bullied because of my skin and hair and that's when I met Louie." I smiled at the memory.
He was such a sweet boy.
"And he was the first person who I allowed to enter my world. He was my prince." I told Kim.
"You love him because he was the first person you trusted?" Kim asked.
"Parang ganun na nga." I said.
"If he was still alive would I have a chance with you?" He asked, I guess eto talaga yung gusto niyang malaman.
I couldn't lie to him. Hindi ko kayang magsinungaling sa kanya dahil kahit hindi ko sagutin yung tanong niya alam na din niya yung sagot.
"Wala." I honestly said and I saw how his expression changed. I wished na hindi ko siya sinasaktan lalo na ngayon pero he asked for this. "Wala. Kasi all my life alam kong si Louie na. Kung buhay man siya alam kong sa huli kami din." I told him at isa pa
Hindi ko sinabi yun dahil alam kong mas masakit yun. But it was the truth that I later found out. Nalaman ko dahil sa mga sulat niya sa akin, I learned his plans a little too late.
"Bakit mo natanong Kim? Would you still continue if he was alive?" I asked him.
He smiled weakly. "I would rather want him alive than dead cause it's so much easier having to compete with someone alive than someone who isn't here anymore." he murmured pero narinig ko parin and I knew what he meant.
Alam kong nasasaktan siya kasi pakiramdam niya lagi siyang nakikipagkompetensya kay Louie which is undeniably true. Siguro isa yan sa mga sinabi ni Kim na hinding hindi ko makakalimutan kasi isa yan sa mga bagay na makakaalala sa akin na lagi ko siyang nasasaktan.
Dahil ayoko ng masaktan pa si Kim, I pretended not to hear it and changed the topic to somewhat livelier. Ayoko naman talagang pinaguusapan si Louie lalo na ngayon na malapit na yung death anniversary niya at ang birthday niya.
"Happy birthday ulit Kim. Enjoy your day." I said goodbye dahil madami pa din akong gagawin para sa ngayong araw.
Pinaayos ko na din kay Yaya yung kwarto ko while I went towards my closet to get his things. Nung nakaalis na si Yaya, I jumped to my bed and started opening the tin box that contained his letters for me. And everything about him.
I started reading every single letter and also his journals.
I miss him so much. I miss my best friend so much.
Tinulungan ako ni Yaya na ayusin yung kwarto ko, habang ako naman inaayos ko yung pagco-connect ng tv at ng internet pati na din yung video camera. Maya maya darating na din si Karl at we'll celebrate Kim's birthday.
Nung maayos na yung lahat sa kwarto ko, may banner pa nga na nilagay si Yaya between ng dalawang pillars ng kwarto ko, at yung iba pang party poppers nakalapag lang like the hats. Yung mga foods nasa center table naman.
Parang hindi party ni Kim kasi pink. Sympre naman ako ang nag plan kaya pink siya.
I connected na yung video call to Kim at within a minute sinagot niya, medyo bagong gising lang siya kaya sabi niya mag-aayos lang siya.
After 10 minutes bumalik si Kim. "Mary una na ako ah." sabi ni Yaya "Happy birthday Kim." pagbati niya kay Kim.
Ngumiti naman si Kim kay Yaya "Thanks ya." he said at ayun umalis na si Yaya.
"Happy birthday. Wala pa si Karl kaya mamaya na yung pagblow ng candles ah." sabi ko sa kanya.
"Thank you." he said.
"Anong plano mo diyan ngayon?" I asked him.
"Mom asked me to go to New York for today." he answered. Nasa New York kasi yung pamilya ni Kim while nasa Rhode Island siya.
Nagusap lang muna kami habang wala pa si Karl. Pinakita ko sa kanya yung mga foods at yung cake "Oh right nakuha mo na ba yung regalo ko?" I asked him. I bought him kasi online ng isang Cartier na watch, mom's credit card of course. Nagpaalam naman ako kay mom.
He smiled tas tumayo siya at may kinuha sa drawer ng bedside table niya "Here." he smiled nung pinakita niya yung box ng Cartier. "I like the card more." he said as he wiggled out the card from his hand.
Nakasulat kasi sa card ay With love, Mary Zobel xo.
Karl came at nagusap pa sila ni Kim, nagkwento pa si Karl kay Kim ng mga chismis about high school friends nila. Parang hindi sila naguusap eh, lagi din yang dalawa nag-uusap.
Pinalo ko na si Karl para sa cake, sinindihan na niya yung candles at ngumiti naman ako kay Kim, si Kim ayun nakangiti lang din.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Ian, happy birthday to you." Karl and I sang the birthday song.
Hawak hawak ko yung cake at nilapit ko pa sa may tv "Blow na." I told him at he closed his eyes at sabay kaming nagblow. Kumain lang kami ni Karl ng carbonara at cake habang si Kim kinakain niya ay oatmeal and a dragon fruit.
We laughed and talked at the same time, it was a good day. Masaya ako kasi kahit papano napasaya ko si Kim. The idea of this kind of party came from way back, I also planned a party like this before para kay Louie. Nung birthday niya kasi nasa Singapore sila kaya kami nila Cass na naiwan ay nag-prepare ng party para sa amin at kanya.
At ayun nung naalala ko na pwede ko din gawin yun kay Kim, ginawa ko na. Kim's away at hindi naman basta basta yung lugar kung nasaan si Kim, I cannot go and throw him a party kaya through the internet nalang diba.
Karl had to go dahil may gagawin pa siya. So kami nalang ni Kim yung naiwan. I was lying on the floor while eating the remaining cake at nakaharap sa tv, kinakausap lang si Kim.
"Ou nga pala Kim nagkita na ba kayo ni Phat sa New York?" I asked him, Phat is currently in New York for her advancde subjects. Malapit na din ang pagkuha niya ng SATs kaya her parents decided na dun na siya magaral sa New York instead of being home schooled. Of course Phat is studying at a very expensive prep school in Manhattan.
"No, but I saw Claire." he said. Claire is also studying sa New York, same school as Phat daw.
"Sabi pala ni mama baka daw sa New York kami magspend ng Thanksgiving." sabi ko sa kanya, mom got invited kasi to one of her foreign friends para sa Thanksgiving, ang aga aga palang pero they invited her. Mom is still thinking about it dahil nga may pasok kami.
"Then you can join our dinner right?" he asked. And I nodded.
Napatingin ako sa portrait sa dingding, it was me and Louie, kuha yun nung birthday ko last year, ang ganda gandang tignan nung litrato kasi napakasaya ko pa nun, ang saya saya ko pa, ang saya pa namin nila Louie at lalong lalo na hindi ko pa alam na mawawala siya sa akin.
Siguro napansin ni Kim na nakatulala ako kaya tinawag na niya ako, good thing hindi nakikita ni Kim kung ano yung tinitignan ko.
"Can I ask you about him?" he asked. And for a fact I knew naintindihan niya kung bakit ako nakatulala kanina, he knew where I was looking, siguro nga kabisado na niya yung kwarto ko.
Pero dapat ba akong magkwento kay Kim? Lalo't na birthday niya pa ngayon. "It's your birthday Kim. Sure ka bang gusto mong mag-usap tayo tungkol sa kanya?" I asked.
"I am. You never talked about him." he said. Right. Kahit kailan hindi ako nagkwento tungkol kay Louie. The only thing Kim knew about Louie was that Louie is my first love and he's gone now. At siguro mga trivial things nalang. Pero kahit kailan hindi ako nagopen ng topic tungkol kay Louie.
Kasi haggang ngayon nasasaktan ako.
I sighed deeply. "Anong gusto mong malaman?" I asked, it's his birthday after all.
"Why do you love him so much?" hindi ko inaasahan yung tanong ni Kim. siguro ito ang mga tanong na kahit kailan hindi ko makakalimutan dahil kahit pagbaliktarin mo pa yung tanong na yan, iisa lang ang sagot.
Dahil siya si Louie.
Pero hindi pa naman ako ganun kasama para sabihin yung totoo kong sagot na kaya ko mahal na mahal si Louie dahil siya si Louie, simple as that no need for more explanation.
"Si Louie kasi yung unang tao kong pinagkatiwalan." I answered. Totoo naman ang sinabi ko eh, Louie was the first person I trusted. "Siya yung una kong naging kaibigan." I said. "Although mas nauna kong nakilala si Phat, si Louie ang una kong naging kaibigan. Nung bata palang kasi ako believe it or not mahiyain talaga ako...."
"I know you are." Kim said.
"So yeah hindi ako nakikipagusap kahit kanino, I remembered na gusto akong ipa-check up ni papa, kasi daw I was showing signs na isa akong introvert. I'm not an introvert by the way, pero kahit bata palang ako nahihirapan na talaga akong magtiwala." I continued with my story telling. "I was easily bullied because of my skin and hair and that's when I met Louie." I smiled at the memory.
He was such a sweet boy.
"And he was the first person who I allowed to enter my world. He was my prince." I told Kim.
"You love him because he was the first person you trusted?" Kim asked.
"Parang ganun na nga." I said.
"If he was still alive would I have a chance with you?" He asked, I guess eto talaga yung gusto niyang malaman.
I couldn't lie to him. Hindi ko kayang magsinungaling sa kanya dahil kahit hindi ko sagutin yung tanong niya alam na din niya yung sagot.
"Wala." I honestly said and I saw how his expression changed. I wished na hindi ko siya sinasaktan lalo na ngayon pero he asked for this. "Wala. Kasi all my life alam kong si Louie na. Kung buhay man siya alam kong sa huli kami din." I told him at isa pa
Wala because by Christmas that year he would have confessed his feelings and we would be together and you would have been a week late.
Hindi ko sinabi yun dahil alam kong mas masakit yun. But it was the truth that I later found out. Nalaman ko dahil sa mga sulat niya sa akin, I learned his plans a little too late.
"Bakit mo natanong Kim? Would you still continue if he was alive?" I asked him.
He smiled weakly. "I would rather want him alive than dead cause it's so much easier having to compete with someone alive than someone who isn't here anymore." he murmured pero narinig ko parin and I knew what he meant.
Alam kong nasasaktan siya kasi pakiramdam niya lagi siyang nakikipagkompetensya kay Louie which is undeniably true. Siguro isa yan sa mga sinabi ni Kim na hinding hindi ko makakalimutan kasi isa yan sa mga bagay na makakaalala sa akin na lagi ko siyang nasasaktan.
Dahil ayoko ng masaktan pa si Kim, I pretended not to hear it and changed the topic to somewhat livelier. Ayoko naman talagang pinaguusapan si Louie lalo na ngayon na malapit na yung death anniversary niya at ang birthday niya.
"Happy birthday ulit Kim. Enjoy your day." I said goodbye dahil madami pa din akong gagawin para sa ngayong araw.
Pinaayos ko na din kay Yaya yung kwarto ko while I went towards my closet to get his things. Nung nakaalis na si Yaya, I jumped to my bed and started opening the tin box that contained his letters for me. And everything about him.
I started reading every single letter and also his journals.
I miss him so much. I miss my best friend so much.
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