A Little Help from Destiny Chapter 27

Chapter 27 - Karma has its own way to haunt me

Kim and I haven't talk since I told him everything that happened since senior year started. Wala siyang sinabi nung sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi na pwede, na ayoko na siyang paasahin. That time was the most gruesome moment I ever had since I met him. 

Hindi alam ng mga kaibigan ko yung nangyari dahil I kept it a secret. Napaka-hypocrite ko dahil sa ginagawa ko. I judged women who ruin relationships when right now I am that kind of woman. Kaya nga hindi ko masabi sa mga kaibigan ko yung kay Kim. Kasi I'm a prideful person. I can't. 

Ayokong mahusgahan sa mga ginagawa ko. At alam kong lahat sila magagalit sa akin at kakampihan si Kim. Alam ko kasi ako din galit sa sarili ko. Pero tapos na, nagawa ko ng saktan si Kim. At ngayon I'm facing the consequences of not having the best friend I thought I would never lose. 

I'd choose Kim over Allen anytime if Kim would stay as my best friend. Kahit pa sabihin niya na piliin ko siya, gagawin ko basta wag lang niyang hilingin sa akin na mahalin siya, pipiliin ko siya kasi over the times we spent together, siya na yung best friend ko. And I don't want to lose him too. 

But I did. I lost him. 

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe just maybe it's time to let Kim just move on. Maybe he needs to get over his almost 5 years love for me. Maybe. 

Sa sulat ni Kim, I hesitated kung tama bang saktan siya. Pero sabi nga ni Ms. Leslie mas lalo kong sinasaktan si Kim kapag pinaasa ko pa siya. Hindi ako makapaniwala nga sa sulat niya eh, I was his first love. How the hell did that happen right? But it happened. 

Anyway what's done is done, I just have to live with it. 

Today is the last day of school, I mean we have the break after all it would be November 1, we have a week for the break and I'm actually happy. I mean who wouldn't right? 

Pero isa kong dahilan kung bakit masaya ako at break na, it's all because of my body. Nanghihina na kasi ako lagi and sa start palang ng senior year lagi na akong nasa clinic dahil nahihimatay ako or minsan nahihirapan akong huminga. 

PE was hell for me, lalo't na baseball kami ngayon at sobra talaga akong nahihirapan, the warm-ups drained my whole body, alam kong ganyan na talaga ang katawan ko sa PE I mean I hate doing exercise, and sports, tennis lang ata yung nagustuhan ko eh. Pero overall lagi akong mahina sa PE lagi akong pagod pero mas naging sobra pa yung pag drain ng energy ko, kasi dati nakakaya ko pa yung warm-ups but now hindi na. I couldn't breathe or minsan naman nahihimatay na ako. 

Lagi na din sumasakit yung dibdib ko which yes it has always been like that pero mas lumala yung sakit. 

Kasama ko ngayon si Cyril at nakatambay kami sa abandoned stairs ng building namin. Kahit siya walang kaalam alam sa nangyayari sa amin ni Allen, wait wala naman nangyayari sa amin, I guess, we're friends and he told me his feelings and I somehow reciprocated. 

I mean he's not cheating on his girlfriend with me right? But who am I kidding? Myself? Alam ko yung totoo. Ako lagi yung kausap niya gabi gabi and not his girlfriend, ako yung kasama niya lagi. Hindi na nga ata sila nagkikita ni Ate Ericka eh. 

Ms. Leslie told me na what we have is what we call MU, ewan ko ba kay Ms pero sabi niya hindi niya ako kukunsintihin sa relationship na kung ano man meron kami ni Allen pero lagi siyang nagpapakwento at siya pa nagdefine na ganun daw kami. 

"Tatanungin ulit kita Mary at sana ngayon sagutin mo na with all honesty." Cyril said. I sighed. "Anong meron sainyo ni Allen?" he asked, ilang ulit na ba niya yan natanong sa akin? Simula nung birthday ko he just wouldn't shut up about it. And of course I denied everything. 

I know he's grown frustrated at me dahil I keep dodging the subject, ayokong mawala si Cyril din sa akin kaya today I decided it was time. I sighed "Promise na hindi ka magagalit?" I asked. 

"Promise." he said, alam na naman niya kasi ang totoo siguro gusto lang niyang marinig sa akin. 

"I think we're secretly in a relationship." I told him. "Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong meron kami. May girlfriend siya pero sabi niya mahal niya ako." I said. 

Nagulat ata si Cyril sa sinabi ko. And yes mahal daw ako ni Allen. Una sinabi niya na gusto niya ako pero one day he just told me he loves me. Hindi ko naman alam ang gagawin ko kasi ano bang dapat gawin? So I said thanks. 

Hindi ko alam kung ano kami pero araw araw sinasabihan niya ako na mahal niya ako pero bakit hindi niya mahiwalayan si Ate Ericka? Hindi ko naman gustong maghiwalay yung dalawa kaso diba kung mahal niya ako, he would have done it right away?

"I just went with the flow Cy. Alam kong mali Cy, I swear Cy hindi ko hinihiling na makipag break siya kay Ate Ericka pero diba ayun naman dapat ang gawin niya?" I asked Cyril. 

He sighed. "Gusto mo ba na maghiwalay na sila at maging official na kayo?" he asked. 

I shook my head. "Ayoko kasi may masasaktan. Ou nga hindi kami nagkakasundo ni Ate Ericka pero still diba." I said. Allen's girlfriend si Ate Ericka ay ka-batch nila Ash, at close nga ako sa dating seniors pero sa group nila Ate Ericka hindi, hindi kami magkasundo nun, I guess dahil na din, magkaaway sila ni Ate Autumn at sympre close ako kay Ate Autumn kaya siguro ganun. 

"Ayaw mong maging kayo?" He asked. 

I shook my head "Cy kilala mo ako. Yung tingin sa akin ng iba, pinapahalagahan ko yun. And I won't ruin my image, nasira na yun dahil nawala ako sa top at hindi ko papalitan as mangaagaw at naninira ng relationship. I won't." I said. 

He sighed  "Itigil mo na Mary." he said at napatingin ako sa kanya, nakatingin lang siya sa harap "Tigil mo na. Best friend kita at hindi ko hahayaan na masaktan ka. Oras na malaman niyan ng barkada ni Ericka susugod at susugod yun dito. Nandito kami nila Den pero sabi mo ayaw mong masira yung image mo kaya itigil mo na. Mapanghusga ang mga tao dito sa school na to." he said. And he was right. Isang mali mo lang huhusgahan ka na agad. Yes kaming mga seniors we don't judge one another na, eh sanay na kami sa isa't isa eh pero yung iba, yung lower batch ang napaka-judgmental. "At si Allen yun Mary, hindi niya iiwan si Ericka." 

Alam ko naman yun eh. Alam ko dahil ilang buwan na ba simula nung nagtapat siya? At see sila parin. 

"Alright dahil ayokong pati ikaw mawala, susundin kita." I smiled at him. 

"Mabuti." tumayo na siya "Tara sasabihin mo na sa kanya ngayon din at sasamahan kita." nagulat ako pero sumunod nalang ako. Cyril is the second version of Louie, always have the brotherly effect. The over protectiveness at madami pang iba. 

Naglakad na kami sa hallway at pababa na kami dun sa big stairs at dun palang kita ko na sa second floor si Allen, nakasandal siya sa dingding at nagtatawanan sila nila Tony. Napansin niya atang nakatingin ako sa kanya at ngumiti siya sa akin and then tinignan niya si Cyril and gave him a nod. 

Pababa na kami ni Cy nung nakaramdam ako ng pagkahilo, siguro kung hindi ako nahawakan ni Cyril nahulog na ako "Okay ka lang?" he asked and he looked so worried. I nodded, hindi ko na alam yung nangyari kasi narinig ko nalang yung sigaw ni Cyril at rinig ko din yung mga footsteps na mabibigat.

I woke up feeling a little dizzy, I looked at my surrounding and I sighed, nandito na naman ako sa clinic. Umupo ako sa pagkakahiga ko and Nurse Shay noticed me kaya pumunta siya sa akin and gave me a faint smile. 

"Ayos na ba ang pakiramdam mo?" she asked. 

And I nodded "Ilang oras po?"

"It's been 4 hours." sagot niya. "It's a record." she said. "Padating na si Dr. Gonzales." sabi niya sa akin. And I looked at her "Dahil nga lately napapadalas na, Ms Ryn suggested to call the school doctor." 

I nodded. "Sa tingin niyo may mali sa akin?" I asked. 

"Mary." she started at umupo siya sa kama "Simula nung nagstart yung school year nandito ka na lagi, at ngayon month walang araw na wala ka dito. We just want to make sure." sabi niya. 

Dumating na din si Dr. Gonzales at nagsimula na siyang tignan ako, when he started to listen to my heart, his face became dead serious. Tinignan niya ako after that "Have you ever experience chest pains? And heart palpitations?" he asked. I nodded and he also nodded. "Nurse Shay paki sabi sa school driver na aalis tayo." he just said to Nurse Shay. Si Nurse Shay sinunod lang si Dr. Gonzales at tinawagan na yung lobby para sabihin. 

He then looked at me "Mary we're going to go to St. Luke's right now is that alright with you? Or do you prefer to go to your family doctor instead?" he asked. 

I looked at him, confused sa mga nangyayari. Why would we go to the hospital? "Bakit po?" I asked. 

"We need to have you check with the proper medical equipment, now my practice is at St. Luke's but if you do prefer at your family doctor then we could go there." 

Panic began to rise. Anong meron sa akin at kailangan akong tignan? 

"Don't worry Mary, we're just going to check okay? It doesn't mean there's something wrong so I ask again where do you want to go?" He asked. 

"Pwede po bang nandun yung doctor namin?" I asked. 

He nodded "Saan ba siya?"

"St. Luke's din po." I said. 

And just like that nagpunta na kami sa hospital. Kinausap muna ni Dr. Gonzales yung family doctor namin and then another doctor came in which grew more panic inside me. Dr. De Jesus specialized in cardiology and I was so scared. 

I told Dr. Santos na wag munang tawagan sila mama kasi baka magpanic din sila. He agreed. I had the echo and many more tests especially the MRI.

The tests were over and everyone in the room had grim faces. And I was so scared. 

"Mary I called you mom and she's on her way." Dr. Santos said. "We'll talk when she's here." 

"Pwede po bang sabihin niyo na sa akin?" I asked looking into his eyes, ilang taon na ba siya as our doctor kaya sana maawa naman siya at sabihin sa akin. 

He sighed and let Dr. De Jesus do the talking. Tumabi ito sa akin sa couch ng office ni Dr. Santos at hinawakan yung kamay ko "Mary do you want me to sugar coat it or....."  she asked and I shook my head "Okay. The findings came in and you have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, do you know that?" she asked. 

I nodded. Sympre alam ko kung ano ang HCM, who wouldn't? It is after all a common heart disease. I started crying kasi kahit naman common yung many still die because of it, and there's no cure for HCM. None. Surgery would just help pero there's no cure. It's still is new to the world. 

I excused myself at lumabas na ako agad ng hospital, sabi ko sa rest room lang pero hindi ko kaya eh, I am too emotional right now. Why me? Of all people why me? 

I ran to the taxi bay and decided to go to the person I needed the most: Louie. 

Just my luck, it was raining. Can you believe it? Parang nasa isa lang akong teleserye. I laughed bitterly, sana nga isa nalang itong teleserye, sana hindi ito totoo. I couldn't. Hindi ko kaya eh. 

Nakarating ako kay Louie at nilakad ko pa yun na basang basa na ako. Pagkarating ko sa puntod niya, napaupo na ako agad at umiyak lang. 

"Louie." I called "Kailangan kita ngayon. Why is life so unfair Louie? Bakit ako? Ayoko nito Louie. Ayokong mamatay. Louie I need you so much right now because it hurts Louie, ang sakit sakit na Louie." I said. 

Ayoko nito, hindi ko kaya. I'm dying. Bakit ako? Sobra ba akong sama at ganito nangyayari sa buhay ko? Last year I lost my best friend now here I am facing something different. Bakit ako?

Madami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay ko, sobrang dami pa. I've been selfish alam ko yun, alam ko din self-centered ako at I'm prideful pero naging mabait naman ako diba? I didn't forget to pray every night. 

I always listen to the Mass and Homily. I grew up having fear in God. Grew up believing in Him pero bakit ganito? Bakit ako? 

I'm only 16. 

Why is life so unfair to me? 

"Louie. Kaya ba iniwan mo ako kasi alam mong magkakasama tayo agad?" I asked him "Pero Louie ayoko pa. Hindi ko pa kaya. Takot akong mamatay Louie. Ayokong mamatay Louie. Please Louie tulungan mo ako, please kung kasama mo na si God diyan, pakisabi naman na alisin niya yung sakit ko, please. Kasi Louie hindi mo ako katulad eh, ikaw you've faced it at handa ka ako Louie hindi. Ayokong mamatay." I cried. "Ang unfair ano? Ikaw kinuha din agad sa akin tas ngayon naman ako. Napaka-unfair Louie. Bakit ako?" I asked again. 

HCM. 

A common heart disorder pero why does it have to me be? Why do I need to have it? 

Why do I need to be sick? Why me? Why did it have to choose me? 

I heard a car engine stopped pero hindi ko pinansin yun pati na din yung footsteps palapit sa akin. Nung naramdaman kong walang tumutulong ulan I looked up and saw Karl, he faintly smiled at me.

"Karl" I cried as I looked at him, lumuhod siya at niyakap niya ako. "Karl, bakit ako?" I asked him"Ayokong mamatay Karl please do something. Ayoko pang mamatay." I cried.

"Hindi ka mamamatay ok? We won't let you." Karl said and I knew there were tears falling from his eyes also.

And he convinced me of going back to the hospital for more test and for the medicines I was going to take. Nakaupo lang ako sa couch hawak hawak ang kamay ni Karl habang kinakausap nila papa and mama si Dr. De Jesus and sabi din ni Dr. De Jesus to ask for second opinions. 

Mom called someone and nung pumasok siya pumunta ulit siya sa harap "I called a family friend, she's a great surgeon." sabi niya kay Dr. De Jesus and just like that I knew who she called. 

Aunt Sachiko. 

"Tinawagan mo si Aunt Sachi?" I asked. 

"Papunta na siya dito with a colleague of hers." mom said. 

"Sinabi mo na may sakit ako kay Aunt Sachi?" I asked. "She's going to tell Kim!" I said. 

"Ayaw mong malaman ni Ian?" 

I shook my head and tumutulo na naman ang hula ko. Ayokong may makaalam. Kasi gaya ni Louie itatago ko din ito. Gaya ni Louie, ako lang din haharap sa sakit na ito. Ako lang ayokong may iba.  I don't want to burden anyone. 

At ngayon sinabi ni mama kay Aunt Sachi at alam kong sasabihin niya kay Kim. Hindi pwedeng malaman ni Kim. Hindi pwede. Dahil he'll try to stay. 

"Ma please call her back sabihin mo wag ipaalam kay Kim ma please, sabihin mo na sa lahat wag lang kay Kim." I cried and mama dialed in panic but it was already too late. 

Aunt Sachi told Kim already and Kim's flying back with her.